Today (or rather, the day I wrote this) is my 41st birthday. I’ve been having a slow day being pretty intentional with my time, leaning into my yes’s and honoring my no’s. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting over the last few months. When I went back to Indiana over Thanksgiving I collected all of my old journals to bring back with me to Santa Cruz. Today I’m continuing the process of going through them and reflecting on my growth, finding little gems of wisdom as well as some cringy moments I wish I could have shaken myself out of. While there’s certainly some things I wish I could have bypassed, looking back I understand that some lessons I could only have learned the hard way. My little Aries spirit has always been more of a “fuck around and find out” type learner. I remember in middle school or high school my mom saying, “I wish you could be the type of kid that learns from other peoples mistakes.” Seems harsh but my curiosity coupled with a very stubborn ‘know it all’ attitude was probably insufferable at times.

Thankfully, time has eventually distilled down a little wisdom from those experiences. Today I’m looking back over my 41 years on this planet. I’ve done a ton of things. I feel like I’ve lived so many lives in this short amount of time. I’ve had many phases and iterations of identities. I’ve also experimented and tried so many things. I’ve climbed many mountains. The hike back down is where the integration and gratitude really sets in.

While everything changes, some themes have always stayed with me. I’ve always been an artist. The little picture of the person with a paint pallet and a french beret; that’s what I always thought I’d be. As a kid I never once questioned the validity of choosing a career based on what I loved. I’ve always loved nature. I’ve always wanted a farm. I’ve always loved animals. I’m an extravert through and through, and still genuinely value alone time. I believe in magic and miracles. I have sprit guides I’ve talked to since birth. I think my dreams are other planes of existence that we visit to work some stuff out and I believe everyone has a special purpose. I’m sure there’s more but these are the things that stick out to me at the moment.

This year I’m using these themes as my north star for continuing to create my life. I want to grow food again while integrating art, social activism, culture sharing and permaculture. I’m feeling pulled to dust off old skills (did you know I used to farm..) lean into old wisdom, and step into my calling in a new way. What this has looked like so far is a shift in attention. While it may appear that I’m doing less art wise it feels very expansive and coherent to my larger life vision. Thirteen-ish years ago when I came to the west coast I made a list of all the things I wanted to do as an artist. I remember thinking, “If I can do all these things, I’ve made it as an artist.” I did all of those things and more!

I have a vision of acquiring a farm with enough space to host gatherings, art offerings, a brewery & non-alcoholic beer & elixer business, lush gardens, animals, housing, classes, and spaaace. I want to create space for people to come and ruminate in nature with art supplies, a clean natural swimming pool/pond, cozy places to rest and time to dream. I see workshops that integrate group energetic coherence meditation practices with individual visioning support. I see a place for our community to come and experience new paradigms. I see connections being made. I see so much magic.

This is 41. I’m so excited.

Heres a juicy little collage of pics I collected from the interwebs that is a taste of my dream life….